i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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