So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize