Midget sex pt 2 tonight
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
