when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
