Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
