I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
