some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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