I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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