I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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