so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
