i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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