he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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