She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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