I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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