She said her name was "party"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
