dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize