Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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