apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
