I feel like abortions should bother me more
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
