I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
