he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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