I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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