So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
