This house was built for laser tag.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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