i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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