In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
