I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
