this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
