I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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