Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you win again, gameday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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