Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He passed out mid-signature
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
