He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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