That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize