If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
