Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
