worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My penis needs a shock collar
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize