good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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