im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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