I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
