I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
