I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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