I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
