we have pet lesbian snakes
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
