Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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