I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize