hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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