I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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