Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
