I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
