you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
