my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
