roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
