I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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