I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
