Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
