i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
