did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
