Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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