Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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