I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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