brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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