i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
