sarcasm needs its own font
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize