# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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