I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
