I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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