I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
