the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
