This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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