You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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