She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
