Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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