I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
