i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
