you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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