Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
