I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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