Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
