can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
