I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize