we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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