i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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