I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
