I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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