if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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