im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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