Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
