The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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