Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
