how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize