bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
