my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
