i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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