she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
