What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
