The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize