After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
