I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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