I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
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