i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
