i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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