Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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