you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
this is an emotional support booty call
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
